Hail the Veil

Here's how to pick out the quintessential bridal accessory

By Anna Sachse

Jeff Navaro photo for Sara Gabriel

Once upon a time, wedding veils often held a ritualistic function, such as protection from evil spirits or a means of preventing the couple from seeing each other until the deal was sealed in an arranged marriage. Nowadays, a modern bride-to-be might choose to don one simply because it adds that extra oomph to her ensemble.

Of course, proper etiquette certainly allows a bride to go without if she so wishes; however, according to TheKnot.com's 2009 Bridal Fashion Study, 70-percent of brides do opt to wear one, even if it's only a coquettish asymmetrical face blusher.

"With more white on the red carpet and the influence of the red carpet on wedding gowns, the boundaries between high fashion and bridal are blurred more now than they were 10 years ago," says Sara Gabriel, owner and designer for Sara Gabriel Veiling & Headpieces. "But a woman could be wearing jeans and a T-shirt and if you put her in a veil, it says bride."

If you feel like your fairy-tale wedding would never be complete without at least a little tulle cascading from your tresses, this is the guide for you.

What to Wear With Your Dress

According to Gabriel, each veil must match two personalities: first, the bride - whether she is formal, funky, casual, etc. - and second, the personality of the dress. There is usually some embellishment on the dress or detail about the fit that will knock a few veils out of contention. "Essentially it all boils down to proportion," says Gabriel. "It's similar to the maxim regarding makeup - if you have smoldering eyes, then go with a neutral lip, and vice versa." Therefore, if you have a big, heavily detailed Reem Acra dress encrusted with jewels, then opt for the simplest veil possible. But if you have an A-line, strapless, simple silk Dupioni dress, feel free to go hog wild with the veil. Just keep it proportionate to your dress - short-short, long-long.

You should also consider what you want to show off. "If your dress has amazing back detail, you will want to wear something sheer or short," says Heather Levine, fashion and beauty editor for TheKnot.com. And if you have a heavily embellished waistline, you don't want to wear something that falls at the waist or it will compete.

"You want your veil to look intentional," Gabriel says, "and to, ideally, take a back seat to your beloved gown."

Tips for Shopping

Most veils are handmade, thus you should allow enough time (about two months) to ensure your veil arrives for your hair trial. Try to get your veil at the same place where you buy your dress so that you can try them on together, advises Gabriel. You want to be sure that the dress and the veil look appropriate together and that the two "whites" match. If you are acquiring your veil from a different store, bring your dress, see if you can borrow the sample or, at the very least, bring a picture.

"Also, when trying on veils for the first time, try to have your hair styled in a similar fashion to the look you plan on wearing at your wedding," Gabriel adds. There's no need to have it professionally done. Just put it in a simple bun, pile it on top of your head or let it hang loose so that you know exactly how the veil will need to be attached.

And while you may already know to select a veil that suits the shape of your face, you should also turn and look at yourself from behind. "The blusher may look great in the front, but the veil could fall at an unflattering length in the back," says Levine. "Remember that at the ceremony, most people are really only going to see you walking away."

Style Guide: Veil-Cabulary

Bridal headwear comes in all shapes and sizes. And to each its own name

By Anna Sachse

Jeff Navaro photo for Sara Gabriel

Birdcage: A small piece of netting that just frames the face and is usually fastened in place by a comb, pin or hat.

Blusher: A short, single layer of veiling worn over the face before the ceremony, then either flipped over the head or removed thereafter.

Chapel: A formal veil that falls two-and-a-half yards from the headpiece to the floor.

Cathedral: The most formal of all veils, this style falls three-and-a-half yards from the headpiece and trails behind you. (Think Princess Diana.)

Double Tier: A veil of two layers (either two veils or a veil and a blusher), usually of different lengths.

Elbow: Extending about 25 inches in length to your elbows, this veil is ideal for gowns with detailing at the waist.

Finger Tip: A very popular length, particularly with ball gowns, this style extends to the fingertips.

Flyaway: A multi-layered veil that just brushes the shoulders. Considered less formal than other styles.

Fountain: This veil is gathered at the crown of the head to create a cascading effect around the face. Usually of shoulder or elbow length.

Mantilla: A long, Spanish-style circular piece of lace or lace-edged tulle that frames the face.

Pouf: A gathered piece of tulle or netting that fastens to a comb or headpiece to create height for the veil.

Waltz: Also known as Ballet, this veil falls somewhere between the knee and the ankle.

Family Matters: Wedding Etiquette

Wedding Etiquette for Step-Parents

Helpful - and considerate - tips for both the bride and groom and their parents' new spouses

By Anna Sachse
CTW Features

Despite her expertise, many might consider Dr. Jann Blackstone-Ford - a divorce and stepfamily mediator - unusual. Not only did Blackstone-Ford co-write "Ex-Etiquette for Weddings: The Blended Families' Guide to Tying the Knot" (Chicago Review Press, 2007) with her husband's ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe, the pair also co-founded Bonus Families, a nonprofit resource for people attempting to combine families after a divorce or separation.

Of course, not all combined families get along so well, but even if your parents are barely civil, no one wants fights or hurt feelings on their wedding day. "They key is inclusion and communication," says Anna Post, the author of "Do I Have To Wear White?" (Collins Living, 2009).

Here's the experts' advice for how to incorporate step-parents into your big day without stepping on any toes.

The Step-Parent's Role

"Unless the bride's parent has been out of the picture and the bride was raised predominantly by her bonusparent, the bonusparent does not participate in the wedding decision-making," says Blackstone-Ford.

The stepmother can be of great help, however, by tying up any last-minute details and running errands for the bride, the bride's mother or the attendants if needed, or in the case of last minute jitters, lending a stable shoulder. If you happen to be very close with your stepmother, you might honor her by having her do a reading in the ceremony, contribute to the candle lighting if you have one, participate in the first dances or give a toast during the reception.

The same general advice applies to stepfathers, however, things can get a little trickier when a bride would prefer the arm of her stepfather as she walks down the aisle. "It's absolutely OK to have your stepfather walk you down the aisle," Post determines, "but if the bio-dad is going to be at the wedding, make sure you inform him well ahead of time so that if he is upset, he has time to adjust." Be kind, but don't present it as a question: "Is it OK with you if I do this?" - if it's not one.

How to Word the Invite

If the step-parent is helping to pay and/or host the wedding along with the parent, his or her name should be listed on the invite along with their spouse's name, says Post. Divorced parents' names are not listed on the same line, therefore the invite would read:

Bio-mom and new spouse

And

Bio-dad and new spouse

Request the honor of your presence ...

"Regardless of whether she contributed $10 or $10,000, etiquette says the bio-mom's name should come first," says Post, and the same order applies if the groom's parents are included on the invitation.

Where to Sit

The stepfather sits next to the bride's mother in the first row and normally the stepmother sits next to the bride's father in the second row. If that is just too close for comfort, bio-dad and bonusmom can be "buffered" by seating grandparents in the second row and bio-dad and his wife in the third row, says Blackstone-Ford. But if everyone gets along, it is not uncommon to see both parents and their significant others all in the first row.

At the reception, seat each couple at a different table and allow them to preside over a selection of close family and honored guests, says Post.

How to Handle Pictures

Excluding a parent/child-only photo, the step-parent should be in any pictures that their spouse is in. "They are a packaged deal now," says Post. "You don't have the bride with just her bio-mom and dad as if they were still married. It's disrespectful."

To Skimp or Not to Skimp

Keep Quality in Mind

Put down the calculator and slowly walk away! You want to keep expenses down, sure, but certain costs are necessary evils. Here's what you should think twice about cutting

By Nola Sarkisian-Miller

To skimp or not to skimp? That's the question a number of brides are facing as they plan one of the biggest parties of their lives. About 25 percent of couples plan to cut their wedding budgets in half, according to the "What's On Brides' Minds" survey by David's Bridal. And, they're doing it in a number of ways, from forgoing that designer dress to trading in roses for carnations.

But, wedding experts caution that brides shouldn't ax all the frills at the cost of their guests' enjoyment. Most guests tend to remember the reception and its fun and finery more than the wedding ceremony itself.

"Guests remember the food, atmosphere and music," says Laurie Davies, owner of Five Star Weddings and Events in Laguna Niguel, Calif. For instance, when it comes to music, it's best to stick to the employment of professionals rather than burning your own CDs. iPod fans take note: A DJ or a band aren't expendable, Davies says.

"If you have 50 people are more attending, there are announcements that need to be made and you need an emcee to keep the party going," she says. "You don't want it to feel like you're having a party at your house with the stereo on."

Scaling back on alcohol also should be done judiciously. An open bar can take a big hit out of a budget, but couples can limit their expenses by simply offering a signature cocktail for the ladies and beer for the gentlemen (who usually prefer less sugary libations) or a soft bar, which only includes beer, wine and champagne.

"If you cut back on liquor, don't make it a cash bar," says wedding planner Tracy French, owner of The French Connection in San Antonio, Texas. "Etiquette-wise, it's completely wrong to make your guest pay. When you're inviting them to a party at your house, you don't make them pay for drinks. "

The same philosophy applies to food. Evening weddings require dinner, period. If serving plates of hotel chicken and salmon break the bank, then change the time of the wedding to an early afternoon slot and serve light hors d'oeuvres instead. Some couples even opt for simply a dessert reception.

"Your menu always has to work with the time of day," Davies says.

Another budgeting mistake is to pass on hosted parking. The cost can actually be pretty high, especially at hotels in metro locations, leaving guests with a negative impression of the event.

"When they get to the parking garage, they may not realize they have to dish out $18 and it just takes away from the memories of the day," Davies says.

Save-the-Date Cards... When to Send?

When couples are sending save-the-date cards

Less than 1 month before – 3.04%

1 to 3 months before – 8.11%

3 to 6 months before – 16.22%

6 to 12 months before – 37.16%

12 to 18 months before – 21.62%

More than 18 months before – 13.85%

Source: The Wedding Report, Tucson, Ariz.

Let's Dance!

Popular songs and tips for how to trip the light fantastic during your first dance

By Anna Sachse

Trying to select the song for your first dance as husband and wife is a difficult task. Make it too cheesy (pretty much anything in a Disney movie) and it won’t ring true; make it too trendy (Beyonce’s “Single Ladies – Put a Ring on It”) and you’ll regret it a year later; make it too silly (Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters”) and it will seem like you’re not taking the moment seriously. This is the song that will symbolize your relationship and future life together, and as if that weren’t enough pressure, all eyes will be on you while you dance to it.

Here the experts weigh in on how to pick a romantic tune that truly rocks.

Desirable Ditties

For a list of your fellow brides’ top 75 picks for the first dance song, pick up the May/June issue of Brides magazine. Compiled from readers’ favorites, the list is an alphabetical assortment of old chestnuts that have withstood the test of time (think Etta James’ “At Last”) and new and interesting favorites (think ballads by U2 and Big & Rich), across all genres. It’s a mix of classics and contemporary, but the common thread is that they all tend toward the sentimental.

“I’m still a sucker for the romantic slow songs,” says Kim Alexander, owner of No Macarena DJ & Custom Music Service in Philadelphia. “It’s amazing the way the bride and groom look at each other in that one moment. I’ve been deejaying weddings for 11 years now, and I’m still not immune to it.”

Despite the fact that No Macarena is the kind of hip wedding DJ company that tends to attract more modern, indie-leaning music lovers, Alexander says that the sweet, slower songs are still the favorite for the first dance. Some of the most popular choices among the couples she works with include Bright Eyes’ “The First Day of My Life,” Ray LaMontagne’s “You Are The Best Thing,” Ingrid Michaelson “The Way I Am,” Ben Folds’ “The Luckiest,” Jack Johnson’s “Better Together” and Van Morrison’s “Tupelo Honey” and “Crazy Love.”

“Cat Power’s ‘Sea of Love’ was really popular last year thanks to the movie “Juno,” but now that is tapering off,” says Alexander.

Old standards her clients request here and there include Sinatra’s “Always” or “Fly Me to the Moon” and Astrud Gilberto’s “Corcovado.”

Tips for Correctly Cutting a Rug

Try to aim for a song that is about 3 to 3.5 minutes long, recommends Alexander. Four or 5 minutes may not sound like a long time, but it can be an eternity when you’re on the dance floor. If you really want a song that happens to be lengthy, consider inviting your parents, the bridal party or other guests to come out and join you after a few minutes.

When you finally think you have your song selected you should also practice dancing to it in order to get a sense of the rhythm and how it feels. “Paul Simon’s ‘Father and Daughter’ was a really popular father-daughter dance song a few years back,” says Alexander. “But it has this weird mid-tempo rhythm which made it really difficult for dancers to get a sense of the pacing.”

Don’t get discouraged if you and your sweetie have four left feet. Many couples feel better if they take dance classes – private, in a group or even via the Internet. “There’s no need to look like a professional,” says Millie Martini Bratten, editor-in-chief of Brides magazine. “The goal is simply to get accustomed to moving together so that you will feel comfortable out there for a few minutes when all eyes are on you.” Bratten recommends taking your first class three or four months ahead of time when you aren’t bogged down with other elements of planning and you have time to practice.

That said, while some people can’t wait to tango, swing or waltz their way onto the dance floor, for others it’s right up there with the terror and embarrassment of giving a speech – naked. Know yourself. It’s totally OK to break from tradition and plan to have your wedding party, family or everyone join in after a minute or even right from the start, Bratten says. “Most people aren’t interested in your dance form,” says Bratten. “You’re in love, you just got married and you’re excited about your future together. Whatever happens, people are going to love it.”

From the Backyard to the Bouquet

Gather ’round, green thumbs. If you can grow flowers, you can arrange your big-day florals

By Morgan McMillan

With the economy the way it is, you’re probably wracked your brain numerous times to stretch your budget as best you can. Stitching together a couture gown might be beyond your capabilities, but tending to the flowers that become your bouquet certainly is doable.

And there’s something unique and sentimental about throwing personal touches from your own garden into your wedding.

Not a green thumb? Georgeanne Brennan, co-author of “Backyard Bouquets: Growing Great Flowers for Simple Arrangements” (Chronicle Books, 1998), suggests giving yourself plenty of time. “It depends on the season of the wedding,” she says. “You would need to plan a good six months ahead for bulbs – they have to be ordered at a certain time and are only available then. For quick annuals like sunflowers, plan on three months.”

Depending on when your wedding is, it might be a problem to grow springtime lilies you love if your wedding is in November. And, if you’re thinking of growing them in pots inside, think again. Brennan recommends growing them outside and sticking to the basics. Here are some of her seasonal suggestions for what flowers you can grow when:

Summer

• Cosmos

• Zinnias

• Early sweet peas

• Blooming sunflowers (for a June wedding you could plant these in March)

Late Summer/Fall

• Annuals and bulbs, such as dahlias, rudbeckia and late sunflowers. For a September wedding, order bulbs in March and plant dahlias in May.

Winter

• Flowering quince works well for this time of year.

Late Winter/Early Spring

• Plant bulbs in fall for daffodils, narcissus, hyacinths, tulips

• Perennials: Roses, lilacs, peonies and lilies – they take close to two years to produce full blooms. Think about gathering these from friends’ or neighbors’ gardens if you don’t have that long to plant them yourself.

So, you’ve planted, watered and waited; and the flowers are coming up beautifully … When do you pick them to start readying your bouquet?

“In the morning, one to two days before the wedding,” says Brennan. “Stand them in water in a cool place to harden off. Specific flowers have specific needs, such as crushing, woody stems.”

Overall, don’t try to spruce it up too much, especially if you’ve never done it before – that includes color, the number of flowers you put into the bouquet and the way you dress it. It can be very difficult to deal with fancy bouquets. Ethel Brennan, Georgeanne’s daughter and “Backyard Bouquets” co-author, says, “For someone who has never done a wedding bouquet, I recommend choosing flowers that are not too delicate.”

Arranging can also be difficult once you have the flowers in front of you ready to be put into one bouquet. “Floral tape is essential,” says Ethel. “It comes in white, soft green and dark green. Wrap the stems with a 10-inch or longer piece or floral tape. Don’t hesitate to wrap tightly. Working in a circle, add flowers from the center of an arrangement out. The final circle will be leaves, other greenery or flowers.”

As far as filler plants go, if you have the timing right, you can grow just about anything, Georgeanne says. But, with common fillers like baby’s breath, “It would be a shame to mix it with beautiful home-grown flowers, which are special,” she adds.