Too many cooks in the kitchen can spoil the soup may be a proverb from days past, but its message still rings true. Of the many hurdles that an upcoming wedding can present, dealing with your future mother-in-law can often be the most vexing. Planning for your big day should bring you closer to the in-laws, but so often the pressure and decision-making can sour that newfound relationship like a plate of deviled eggs served long overdue.
In order to prevent your new life together from starting out on the wrong foot, follow these seven virtues when dealing with the Queen Bee – whether she’s a saint, or a monster-in-law in the making.
1. Courage
When it comes to preparing for your wedding, don’t let the smell of fear be your first impression. Even if your mother-in-law is footing some (or all) of the bill, you should still have a say on the preparations. After all, it’s not every day you get to walk down the aisle. So don’t be a push-over. Show some spine, girl!
2. Temperance
Whenever the tea kettle is about to blow its top, it’s time to put things into perspective. Be the better person and exert self-control. If a certain dance or prayer doesn’t fit into your idea for the perfect wedding, sometimes compromising the smaller things is worthwhile. If Mom-in-law insists you wear a family heirloom necklace when you already have your accessories picked out, suggest sewing it into your garter, or converting it into a bracelet. If you show you’re willing to compromise, chances are she will do the same.
3. Prudence
Sometimes you can’t do everything yourself. When you aren’t having any luck flying solo, then it’s time to call in the cavalry. After all, it’s your fiancé’s wedding too. Try to avoid confrontation if possible and let him deal with the situation. She’ll respond better if she knows that her son is also onboard. It will also be much easier for her to forgive him than to forgive you.
4. Justice
There may be times when you may want to unleash your inner demon by yelling, screaming, or saying something that you’ll regret. But there are some things that you can’t take back. So take a deep breath, and if need be, leave the room to cool off. Avoid passive-aggressive behavior (even if she’s a pro at it). Calmly explain how she has offended you. And remember - not everything is worth fighting for. Sometimes you just need to bite your tongue and move on.
5. Faith
Have faith in the bond that you and your fiancé share. Wedding preparations might require flexibility on your part, but don’t change your personality on a whim. Remember your fiancé fell in love with you because you’re you.
6. Hope
Just like you hoped your knight in shining armor would one day sweep you off your feet, don’t lose hope when dealing with your in-laws. Keep your chin up despite minor setbacks. Pessimism is too often a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And last but not least…
7. Love
Before any cliché eighty’s anthems start blaring in your head, let’s be honest. It was that ten-thousand-kilowatts of Romeo-and-Juliet love that got you this far. So what makes you think it can’t take you the distance? Though you might often feel like you’re drowning in the day-to-day details, don’t lose sight of the bigger picture. If the love you share with your fiancé can stand the test of time, then certainly the love and acceptance of your new family can withstand a single day.
- Josie Macalester
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