Hail the Veil

Here's how to pick out the quintessential bridal accessory

By Anna Sachse

Jeff Navaro photo for Sara Gabriel

Once upon a time, wedding veils often held a ritualistic function, such as protection from evil spirits or a means of preventing the couple from seeing each other until the deal was sealed in an arranged marriage. Nowadays, a modern bride-to-be might choose to don one simply because it adds that extra oomph to her ensemble.

Of course, proper etiquette certainly allows a bride to go without if she so wishes; however, according to TheKnot.com's 2009 Bridal Fashion Study, 70-percent of brides do opt to wear one, even if it's only a coquettish asymmetrical face blusher.

"With more white on the red carpet and the influence of the red carpet on wedding gowns, the boundaries between high fashion and bridal are blurred more now than they were 10 years ago," says Sara Gabriel, owner and designer for Sara Gabriel Veiling & Headpieces. "But a woman could be wearing jeans and a T-shirt and if you put her in a veil, it says bride."

If you feel like your fairy-tale wedding would never be complete without at least a little tulle cascading from your tresses, this is the guide for you.

What to Wear With Your Dress

According to Gabriel, each veil must match two personalities: first, the bride - whether she is formal, funky, casual, etc. - and second, the personality of the dress. There is usually some embellishment on the dress or detail about the fit that will knock a few veils out of contention. "Essentially it all boils down to proportion," says Gabriel. "It's similar to the maxim regarding makeup - if you have smoldering eyes, then go with a neutral lip, and vice versa." Therefore, if you have a big, heavily detailed Reem Acra dress encrusted with jewels, then opt for the simplest veil possible. But if you have an A-line, strapless, simple silk Dupioni dress, feel free to go hog wild with the veil. Just keep it proportionate to your dress - short-short, long-long.

You should also consider what you want to show off. "If your dress has amazing back detail, you will want to wear something sheer or short," says Heather Levine, fashion and beauty editor for TheKnot.com. And if you have a heavily embellished waistline, you don't want to wear something that falls at the waist or it will compete.

"You want your veil to look intentional," Gabriel says, "and to, ideally, take a back seat to your beloved gown."

Tips for Shopping

Most veils are handmade, thus you should allow enough time (about two months) to ensure your veil arrives for your hair trial. Try to get your veil at the same place where you buy your dress so that you can try them on together, advises Gabriel. You want to be sure that the dress and the veil look appropriate together and that the two "whites" match. If you are acquiring your veil from a different store, bring your dress, see if you can borrow the sample or, at the very least, bring a picture.

"Also, when trying on veils for the first time, try to have your hair styled in a similar fashion to the look you plan on wearing at your wedding," Gabriel adds. There's no need to have it professionally done. Just put it in a simple bun, pile it on top of your head or let it hang loose so that you know exactly how the veil will need to be attached.

And while you may already know to select a veil that suits the shape of your face, you should also turn and look at yourself from behind. "The blusher may look great in the front, but the veil could fall at an unflattering length in the back," says Levine. "Remember that at the ceremony, most people are really only going to see you walking away."

Style Guide: Veil-Cabulary

Bridal headwear comes in all shapes and sizes. And to each its own name

By Anna Sachse

Jeff Navaro photo for Sara Gabriel

Birdcage: A small piece of netting that just frames the face and is usually fastened in place by a comb, pin or hat.

Blusher: A short, single layer of veiling worn over the face before the ceremony, then either flipped over the head or removed thereafter.

Chapel: A formal veil that falls two-and-a-half yards from the headpiece to the floor.

Cathedral: The most formal of all veils, this style falls three-and-a-half yards from the headpiece and trails behind you. (Think Princess Diana.)

Double Tier: A veil of two layers (either two veils or a veil and a blusher), usually of different lengths.

Elbow: Extending about 25 inches in length to your elbows, this veil is ideal for gowns with detailing at the waist.

Finger Tip: A very popular length, particularly with ball gowns, this style extends to the fingertips.

Flyaway: A multi-layered veil that just brushes the shoulders. Considered less formal than other styles.

Fountain: This veil is gathered at the crown of the head to create a cascading effect around the face. Usually of shoulder or elbow length.

Mantilla: A long, Spanish-style circular piece of lace or lace-edged tulle that frames the face.

Pouf: A gathered piece of tulle or netting that fastens to a comb or headpiece to create height for the veil.

Waltz: Also known as Ballet, this veil falls somewhere between the knee and the ankle.

Family Matters: Wedding Etiquette

Wedding Etiquette for Step-Parents

Helpful - and considerate - tips for both the bride and groom and their parents' new spouses

By Anna Sachse
CTW Features

Despite her expertise, many might consider Dr. Jann Blackstone-Ford - a divorce and stepfamily mediator - unusual. Not only did Blackstone-Ford co-write "Ex-Etiquette for Weddings: The Blended Families' Guide to Tying the Knot" (Chicago Review Press, 2007) with her husband's ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe, the pair also co-founded Bonus Families, a nonprofit resource for people attempting to combine families after a divorce or separation.

Of course, not all combined families get along so well, but even if your parents are barely civil, no one wants fights or hurt feelings on their wedding day. "They key is inclusion and communication," says Anna Post, the author of "Do I Have To Wear White?" (Collins Living, 2009).

Here's the experts' advice for how to incorporate step-parents into your big day without stepping on any toes.

The Step-Parent's Role

"Unless the bride's parent has been out of the picture and the bride was raised predominantly by her bonusparent, the bonusparent does not participate in the wedding decision-making," says Blackstone-Ford.

The stepmother can be of great help, however, by tying up any last-minute details and running errands for the bride, the bride's mother or the attendants if needed, or in the case of last minute jitters, lending a stable shoulder. If you happen to be very close with your stepmother, you might honor her by having her do a reading in the ceremony, contribute to the candle lighting if you have one, participate in the first dances or give a toast during the reception.

The same general advice applies to stepfathers, however, things can get a little trickier when a bride would prefer the arm of her stepfather as she walks down the aisle. "It's absolutely OK to have your stepfather walk you down the aisle," Post determines, "but if the bio-dad is going to be at the wedding, make sure you inform him well ahead of time so that if he is upset, he has time to adjust." Be kind, but don't present it as a question: "Is it OK with you if I do this?" - if it's not one.

How to Word the Invite

If the step-parent is helping to pay and/or host the wedding along with the parent, his or her name should be listed on the invite along with their spouse's name, says Post. Divorced parents' names are not listed on the same line, therefore the invite would read:

Bio-mom and new spouse

And

Bio-dad and new spouse

Request the honor of your presence ...

"Regardless of whether she contributed $10 or $10,000, etiquette says the bio-mom's name should come first," says Post, and the same order applies if the groom's parents are included on the invitation.

Where to Sit

The stepfather sits next to the bride's mother in the first row and normally the stepmother sits next to the bride's father in the second row. If that is just too close for comfort, bio-dad and bonusmom can be "buffered" by seating grandparents in the second row and bio-dad and his wife in the third row, says Blackstone-Ford. But if everyone gets along, it is not uncommon to see both parents and their significant others all in the first row.

At the reception, seat each couple at a different table and allow them to preside over a selection of close family and honored guests, says Post.

How to Handle Pictures

Excluding a parent/child-only photo, the step-parent should be in any pictures that their spouse is in. "They are a packaged deal now," says Post. "You don't have the bride with just her bio-mom and dad as if they were still married. It's disrespectful."

To Skimp or Not to Skimp

Keep Quality in Mind

Put down the calculator and slowly walk away! You want to keep expenses down, sure, but certain costs are necessary evils. Here's what you should think twice about cutting

By Nola Sarkisian-Miller

To skimp or not to skimp? That's the question a number of brides are facing as they plan one of the biggest parties of their lives. About 25 percent of couples plan to cut their wedding budgets in half, according to the "What's On Brides' Minds" survey by David's Bridal. And, they're doing it in a number of ways, from forgoing that designer dress to trading in roses for carnations.

But, wedding experts caution that brides shouldn't ax all the frills at the cost of their guests' enjoyment. Most guests tend to remember the reception and its fun and finery more than the wedding ceremony itself.

"Guests remember the food, atmosphere and music," says Laurie Davies, owner of Five Star Weddings and Events in Laguna Niguel, Calif. For instance, when it comes to music, it's best to stick to the employment of professionals rather than burning your own CDs. iPod fans take note: A DJ or a band aren't expendable, Davies says.

"If you have 50 people are more attending, there are announcements that need to be made and you need an emcee to keep the party going," she says. "You don't want it to feel like you're having a party at your house with the stereo on."

Scaling back on alcohol also should be done judiciously. An open bar can take a big hit out of a budget, but couples can limit their expenses by simply offering a signature cocktail for the ladies and beer for the gentlemen (who usually prefer less sugary libations) or a soft bar, which only includes beer, wine and champagne.

"If you cut back on liquor, don't make it a cash bar," says wedding planner Tracy French, owner of The French Connection in San Antonio, Texas. "Etiquette-wise, it's completely wrong to make your guest pay. When you're inviting them to a party at your house, you don't make them pay for drinks. "

The same philosophy applies to food. Evening weddings require dinner, period. If serving plates of hotel chicken and salmon break the bank, then change the time of the wedding to an early afternoon slot and serve light hors d'oeuvres instead. Some couples even opt for simply a dessert reception.

"Your menu always has to work with the time of day," Davies says.

Another budgeting mistake is to pass on hosted parking. The cost can actually be pretty high, especially at hotels in metro locations, leaving guests with a negative impression of the event.

"When they get to the parking garage, they may not realize they have to dish out $18 and it just takes away from the memories of the day," Davies says.

Save-the-Date Cards... When to Send?

When couples are sending save-the-date cards

Less than 1 month before – 3.04%

1 to 3 months before – 8.11%

3 to 6 months before – 16.22%

6 to 12 months before – 37.16%

12 to 18 months before – 21.62%

More than 18 months before – 13.85%

Source: The Wedding Report, Tucson, Ariz.

Let's Dance!

Popular songs and tips for how to trip the light fantastic during your first dance

By Anna Sachse

Trying to select the song for your first dance as husband and wife is a difficult task. Make it too cheesy (pretty much anything in a Disney movie) and it won’t ring true; make it too trendy (Beyonce’s “Single Ladies – Put a Ring on It”) and you’ll regret it a year later; make it too silly (Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters”) and it will seem like you’re not taking the moment seriously. This is the song that will symbolize your relationship and future life together, and as if that weren’t enough pressure, all eyes will be on you while you dance to it.

Here the experts weigh in on how to pick a romantic tune that truly rocks.

Desirable Ditties

For a list of your fellow brides’ top 75 picks for the first dance song, pick up the May/June issue of Brides magazine. Compiled from readers’ favorites, the list is an alphabetical assortment of old chestnuts that have withstood the test of time (think Etta James’ “At Last”) and new and interesting favorites (think ballads by U2 and Big & Rich), across all genres. It’s a mix of classics and contemporary, but the common thread is that they all tend toward the sentimental.

“I’m still a sucker for the romantic slow songs,” says Kim Alexander, owner of No Macarena DJ & Custom Music Service in Philadelphia. “It’s amazing the way the bride and groom look at each other in that one moment. I’ve been deejaying weddings for 11 years now, and I’m still not immune to it.”

Despite the fact that No Macarena is the kind of hip wedding DJ company that tends to attract more modern, indie-leaning music lovers, Alexander says that the sweet, slower songs are still the favorite for the first dance. Some of the most popular choices among the couples she works with include Bright Eyes’ “The First Day of My Life,” Ray LaMontagne’s “You Are The Best Thing,” Ingrid Michaelson “The Way I Am,” Ben Folds’ “The Luckiest,” Jack Johnson’s “Better Together” and Van Morrison’s “Tupelo Honey” and “Crazy Love.”

“Cat Power’s ‘Sea of Love’ was really popular last year thanks to the movie “Juno,” but now that is tapering off,” says Alexander.

Old standards her clients request here and there include Sinatra’s “Always” or “Fly Me to the Moon” and Astrud Gilberto’s “Corcovado.”

Tips for Correctly Cutting a Rug

Try to aim for a song that is about 3 to 3.5 minutes long, recommends Alexander. Four or 5 minutes may not sound like a long time, but it can be an eternity when you’re on the dance floor. If you really want a song that happens to be lengthy, consider inviting your parents, the bridal party or other guests to come out and join you after a few minutes.

When you finally think you have your song selected you should also practice dancing to it in order to get a sense of the rhythm and how it feels. “Paul Simon’s ‘Father and Daughter’ was a really popular father-daughter dance song a few years back,” says Alexander. “But it has this weird mid-tempo rhythm which made it really difficult for dancers to get a sense of the pacing.”

Don’t get discouraged if you and your sweetie have four left feet. Many couples feel better if they take dance classes – private, in a group or even via the Internet. “There’s no need to look like a professional,” says Millie Martini Bratten, editor-in-chief of Brides magazine. “The goal is simply to get accustomed to moving together so that you will feel comfortable out there for a few minutes when all eyes are on you.” Bratten recommends taking your first class three or four months ahead of time when you aren’t bogged down with other elements of planning and you have time to practice.

That said, while some people can’t wait to tango, swing or waltz their way onto the dance floor, for others it’s right up there with the terror and embarrassment of giving a speech – naked. Know yourself. It’s totally OK to break from tradition and plan to have your wedding party, family or everyone join in after a minute or even right from the start, Bratten says. “Most people aren’t interested in your dance form,” says Bratten. “You’re in love, you just got married and you’re excited about your future together. Whatever happens, people are going to love it.”

From the Backyard to the Bouquet

Gather ’round, green thumbs. If you can grow flowers, you can arrange your big-day florals

By Morgan McMillan

With the economy the way it is, you’re probably wracked your brain numerous times to stretch your budget as best you can. Stitching together a couture gown might be beyond your capabilities, but tending to the flowers that become your bouquet certainly is doable.

And there’s something unique and sentimental about throwing personal touches from your own garden into your wedding.

Not a green thumb? Georgeanne Brennan, co-author of “Backyard Bouquets: Growing Great Flowers for Simple Arrangements” (Chronicle Books, 1998), suggests giving yourself plenty of time. “It depends on the season of the wedding,” she says. “You would need to plan a good six months ahead for bulbs – they have to be ordered at a certain time and are only available then. For quick annuals like sunflowers, plan on three months.”

Depending on when your wedding is, it might be a problem to grow springtime lilies you love if your wedding is in November. And, if you’re thinking of growing them in pots inside, think again. Brennan recommends growing them outside and sticking to the basics. Here are some of her seasonal suggestions for what flowers you can grow when:

Summer

• Cosmos

• Zinnias

• Early sweet peas

• Blooming sunflowers (for a June wedding you could plant these in March)

Late Summer/Fall

• Annuals and bulbs, such as dahlias, rudbeckia and late sunflowers. For a September wedding, order bulbs in March and plant dahlias in May.

Winter

• Flowering quince works well for this time of year.

Late Winter/Early Spring

• Plant bulbs in fall for daffodils, narcissus, hyacinths, tulips

• Perennials: Roses, lilacs, peonies and lilies – they take close to two years to produce full blooms. Think about gathering these from friends’ or neighbors’ gardens if you don’t have that long to plant them yourself.

So, you’ve planted, watered and waited; and the flowers are coming up beautifully … When do you pick them to start readying your bouquet?

“In the morning, one to two days before the wedding,” says Brennan. “Stand them in water in a cool place to harden off. Specific flowers have specific needs, such as crushing, woody stems.”

Overall, don’t try to spruce it up too much, especially if you’ve never done it before – that includes color, the number of flowers you put into the bouquet and the way you dress it. It can be very difficult to deal with fancy bouquets. Ethel Brennan, Georgeanne’s daughter and “Backyard Bouquets” co-author, says, “For someone who has never done a wedding bouquet, I recommend choosing flowers that are not too delicate.”

Arranging can also be difficult once you have the flowers in front of you ready to be put into one bouquet. “Floral tape is essential,” says Ethel. “It comes in white, soft green and dark green. Wrap the stems with a 10-inch or longer piece or floral tape. Don’t hesitate to wrap tightly. Working in a circle, add flowers from the center of an arrangement out. The final circle will be leaves, other greenery or flowers.”

As far as filler plants go, if you have the timing right, you can grow just about anything, Georgeanne says. But, with common fillers like baby’s breath, “It would be a shame to mix it with beautiful home-grown flowers, which are special,” she adds.

Bedrooms: Creating the Perfect Sanctuary

How to Create the Perfect Sanctuary

By Anna Sachse

If all the rooms in your home, the one you probably spend the most time in is your bedroom. Hermès place settings and Waterford goblets may be a bit more glamorous, but you’re more likely to appreciate luxurious sheets, fluffy comforters and the perfect pillow every single day. Here’s what to look for when crafting the ultimate bedroom.

The Scene

“A bedroom should be cozy and welcoming … it should be designed as a place to sleep and a place to entertain each other,” says Maria McBride, wedding style director for Brides magazine and author of “Party Basics for New Nesters” (Collins Living, 2008). To that end, the best boudoirs are designed like a fine hotel suite – the television is behind closed doors, the treadmill resides in the basement and the focus is on superior bedding.

According to a recent survey of more than 12,000 brides by TheKnot.com, 84 percent of couples opt to register for bedding, and it makes for a popular gift pick among guests, says Antonia van der Meer, editor-in-chief of Modern Bride and Elegant Bride magazines. A registry is the perfect time to indulge in luxurious products, but keep your color palette simple so that your basic bedding is never out of fashion. Your sheets probably have a shorter lifespan than your china or your crystal, but it’s still important to think both quality and long-term.

The Essentials

There are, of course, a bevy of things you can register for in the bedroom, but the most important are the comforter/duvet, duvet cover, sheets, blankets and pillows. These core items will build you the cozy nest of your sweet dreams.

Jaimee Zanzinger, deputy editor of special projects for Real Simple magazine, advises registering for at least two sets of everything: one lighter duvet and cover for spring/summer, and a heavier set for fall/winter; two sets of 300-plus thread count sheets and shams; and either two cotton blankets, two wool varieties, or one of each, depending on the climate where you live.

As to pillows, Audrey Stavish, a spokeswoman for Bed, Bath & Beyond, recommends selecting four of your favorite style.

Ins & Outs

Once again, it’s always worth investing in sheets with high thread counts made from respected, high-quality fibers like Egyptian cotton. “Not only will they be more comfortable for sleeping, but they’ll wear well and should last years,” says McBride.

But because a lot of couples often have very different styles, sometimes picking the color or pattern for the bedding can prove a little trickier. Neutral colors are a good way to compromise.

“This is something you will see and use every day, so try to stay away from trends like bright colors or outrageous patterns that could get old really fast,” says Rebecca Dolgin, executive editor at TheKnot.com.

Zanzinger agrees that for enduring style, it’s best to go with classic solid colors, but to give your aesthetic more range, she recommends picking a couple of the basic options and mixing them up, such as pairing a blue fitted sheet with a white flat sheet. Blue and white is a color combination that is always in style, says van der Meer, while McBride loves neutrals and soothing tones like green and gray. If you simply must have pattern, a classic striped ticking pattern is timelessly elegant, adds van der Meer.

“Ultimately you should invest in things that are going to make you happy,” says Leigh Oshirak, spokeswoman for Pottery Barn. “But remember that this is something you’ll hopefully still want to see in five to eight years.”

But Keep in Mind

Playing it safe with neutral linen does not necessitate sacrificing personal style. The easiest way to dress up clean, modern basics is to bring in temporary pieces with the pattern or bright color you were avoiding. “If you do this with a throw and decorative pillows, you won’t feel like you have to commit to it forever,” says Van der Meer. “You can change it up at another point later without having to spend a fortune.”

Bridal Fashions on a Budget

Faviana rolls out a new line of gowns perfectly tailored for the recessionista bride

By Timothy R. Schulte

Image courtesy Faviana

In this economic climate, wedding-related businesses are doing all they can to help out brides who may be working with a tighter budget. For some vendors, that may mean slashing prices on their products and services. For gown maker Faviana, it meant rolling out something completely new.

For 2009, Faviana, which has traditionally designed eveningwear for about any occasion other than a wedding, created a special White Collection of gowns for budget-conscious brides.

"This is the first time we've done a special grouping geared to the bridal market," says Linda Mann, a spokeswoman for Faviana.

Like other Faviana gowns, the White Collection gowns retail no higher than $500.

Paying the Right Price

Paying the Right Price: Shoes

By Anna Sachse

The engagement ring may put the wedding in motion, but it’s the fancy footwear that a bride wears on the big day that is going to get her down the aisle. But that doesn’t mean the shoes should carry an engagement-ring price tag.

Pay the Right Price for You

How much to spend is a personal decision. Kate Spade, Vera Wang, Jimmy Choo and Stuart Weitzman all make gorgeous but expensive bridal shoes. “If you are used to wearing Louboutins on a regular basis, then you’re probably not going to shop for bargain brands for your wedding day,” says Desiree Stimpert, the Guide to Shoes for About.com. “But beautiful shoes can be had in every price range, and women shouldn’t feel bad about finding a good deal on shoes that work for them, especially if the shoes will only be worn once.” Compare prices online, or hit up outlets, discount shoe stores, large bridal chains and sales and clearance sections at department stores.

However, if you are thinking about metallic shoes or something that is dyeable, you might consider spending a little more, since you’ll be able to incorporate the shoe into your everyday wardrobe, says Alison Rowe, accessories editor for Modern Bride magazine. And comfort is often worth the extra expense. Mika Inatome has a line of bridal shoes that feature a quilted insole and Cole Haan introduced a line of very stylish bridal shoes that incorporate Nike Air technology.

“The two most important factors when choosing wedding shoes are comfort and how well they work with your dress,” says Stimpert. “For those reasons, I recommend either sticking with a brand or designer you already love, or trying on a lot of different brands until you find the style/comfort/price combination that works for you.”

Keeping Kids in the Picture

How to make your nuptials as friendly for the little ones as they are for the adults

By Nola Sarkisian-Miller
CTW Features

Children often get invites to serve as the precious flower girl or dapper ring bearer at a wedding. But they rarely make the guest list to the wedding itself.

That's changing these days as couples marry later in life. They tend to have friends and relatives who have children - and, well, baby-sitters aren't always an option, especially in these tough economic times. Guests who have to travel across the country may skip out on a wedding if baby-sitting is a challenge.

"We felt it was more important to have our friends attend and share in our day than for them to miss it on account of baby-sitting issues," says Ira Sherak, 39, an animator whose recent wedding in Pasadena, Calif., included guests from the East Coast.

The key is to make the nuptials kid-friendly without ditching the romance, sentimentality and beauty of the occasion.

Some couples choose to include the children in the reception, providing activity books at the tables and even instant cameras for them to use. They may bring in extra entertainment, such as a clown or juggler for a kid's segment. Couples also can ask the DJ or band to play music catering to children's tastes, even creating a kids-only dance.

Sherak chose to host a private room for the dozen or so little guests, replete with a DVD player, TV, toys, games and snacks. He hired two chaperones from a baby-sitting service, using referrals from friends and family. One stayed in the room at all times and another was available to escort kids to the bathroom and to their parents.

To minimize costs, Sherak suggests bringing in your own meals for the kids.

"We let the chaperones get pizza for the kids instead of letting the caterers charge us $45 per kid for chicken nuggets & milk," he says.

Kidfriendlyweddings.com suggests even more activities for the kids' room to keep boredom at bay, including filling a piñata with treats, playing musical chairs and even covering a table with butcher paper for kids to unleash their inner Picasso or Monet.

Even with the best of plans, couples should be aware that their little friends aren't perfect, and a meltdown or some rambunctious behavior may be inevitable. With some extra planning, though, children can secure those coveted invites to a wedding and participate in a milestone moment, learning about a rite of passage.

Stressin' About Showers

If you think throwing a shower is easy, think again

By Timothy R. Schulte

Formulaically, bridal showers are easy. Food, drinks, gifts, done. Logistically, they are easier said than done.

At least that is what I found out when trying to broker a shower between the women contingents from both my family (mom, sister, sisters-in-law) and my fiancée’s (my future mother- and sisters-in-law).

The nexus of the problem was when to have a shower. I live about six hours from my hometown, where my mom, sister and one of my sisters-in-law live, so when shower chatter started around Easter, I immediately began thinking this summer would be a good time. My – our – wedding is in April 2010. And if I am driving home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I am not too eager to do so again in January or February (who knows what the winter roads will look like?), and March and April will be busy enough as it is. Plus, a couple handfuls of weekends are negated throughout the task of coordinating the schedules of eight or so people … So that is how I figured on the summer would be easiest.

Perhaps I was naïve because my sister, though, was not having it. “Too early.” “Tacky.” “It needs to at least be after the New Year.”

These are not the type of phone calls you want to start at 10 p.m. on a Tuesday.

We eventually, quasi-amicably, agreed to an October date, but I still wanted to figure out who was right in this matter. So I called the Emily Post Institute, hoping to get a definitive answer on whether I was accurate or amiss in my reasoning.

“You’re both right,” said Anna Post, the great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post and author of “Do I Have to Wear White?” (Collins, 2009). “It is on the early side, but if you have reasons why you’re doing it then that is more important than some arbitrary date on the wedding calendar.

“As long as you’re on the same page … I hope that everyone can be flexible,” she added.

Part-right is better than totally wrong, I guess, but Post did say that, technically, my sister was right in that we were on the early side.

Really, there’s no set rule, Post said. Showers can take place from a couple months out of the wedding to help build some momentum up to the big day, but just don’t want to have it too close, either. In terms of travel, if you have lots of bridesmaids traveling, a modern trend is to do combo bachelorette party/shower weekends.

Here are a few other shower-etiquette tips from Post:

• The bride’s mom or sister generally don’t host a shower, but it’s OK nowadays.

• Bridesmaids are not required to host a shower.

• You can have more than one shower, but you shouldn’t invite the same guests for more than once.

• You can’t invite someone to a shower and then not invite them to the wedding – office showers being the exception.

• Some people play games or have a theme, but it’s up to you.

• Depending on how much travel is involved, send out invites three to six weeks in advance; Post usually recommends a month.

• It’s OK to put registry info on an enclosure in the invite, just keep it off the shower invite itself.

Keeping it Diplomatic

If the wedding has you at wit's end, call on your coordinator to step in and quell the stress

By Nola Sarkisian-Miller

Out-of-touch grooms. Overbearing mother-in-laws. Troublesome bridesmaids.

It’s enough to send a bride-to-be over the edge. Keeping the peace during the wedding-planning process can often take nerves of steel. If eating right and exercising aren’t enough to mitigate those pre-nuptial headaches, brides have another alternative: they can turn to their wedding coordinator for some advice.

The call of duty for wedding coordinators extends beyond floral selections and linen options. Offering diplomacy services is all part of that fee brides pony up. A wedding coordinator can call that meddlesome mother-in-law, can provide ad hoc therapy sessions and like a concierge, deal with last-minute vendor cancellations.

“Take among the most important days of a bride’s life, add some nervousness, stress and emotions and things happen,” says Laurie Davies, owner of Five Star Weddings and Events in Laguna Niguel. “As a wedding coordinator, our job is to make them relaxed … to tell them, ‘Not a problem. Let me take care of it. This is what you pay me for.’”

A common emotional trigger for the couple is when reality sets in that there will be a marriage to cope with following the big wedding party.

“It becomes real to them when the invitations are printed, so the couples have to go through their issues and mourn the end of their single lives,” says Michael Willms, owner of Entertainment Design Events in Beverly Hills, Calif.

While coordinators may not bear a marriage and family therapist license, they usually bring to the table a wealth of contacts and experience. The key to diffusing tension is listening to their clients and giving them an audience, says Willms. The strategy works when he has to place a dreaded phone call to an imperious family member.

“I help them own a part of the solution and that makes them feel good,” he says. “A lot of times people want attention and they just want their voice to be heard.”

Davies approach when working with clients is to get a read on how brides cope with stress. Does she respond to emails instantly with novellas focusing on minute details? Or, does she take days and is more laissez-faire about the event? Davies also digs to find out if there are control freaks in the family.

To cope, she suggests couples pick their battles.

“One client’s mother-in-law didn’t like the invitations and wanted to print her own to send to her friends, something which I had never heard of,” Davies says. “I asked the bride if the invites were important to her and she said, ‘No.’ So, I told her to give this one to [the mother-in-law] and stand her ground on another issue that was more important to her.”

A Match Made In... Paradise?

Whenever I’m asked about the ideal honeymoon destination, I rarely give the same answer twice. Whether you’re traveling stateside or overseas, it’s important that a couple’s personality and lifestyle be compatible with their destination of choice. If beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder, what are the chances that my paradise will resemble yours?

You didn’t choose your fiancé on a whim. Your honeymoon should be no different. Where a couple decides to spend their first days of matrimony speaks volumes. Free-spirited or intimate? Daring or traditional? Outgoing or leisurely? Don’t let chance alone decide.
With love as the common ingredient, why not spice up the concoction? We’ve all heard about the Waikikis and Arubas of the world. But if a pre-scripted honeymoon at an all-inclusive resort isn’t your style, then try one of these on for size.

Life of the Party
Key West, FL
If you want tropical without straying too far from home, there’s no better place than the Florida Keys. Key West’s mellow party vibe has a funk all its own (guaranteed by none other than Jimmy Buffett). A mecca for bohemians and beach bums alike, Key West will let your wildest dreams of island escapism run their course. Scuba or snorkel by day, then let loose at night at one of Duval Street’s many hot spots (just be sure to keep an eye out for any free-ranging chickens that might wander your way). If parasailing doesn’t blow your skirt, then don’t rule out a sunset cruise or dolphin watching.

Barcelona, Spain
A magnet for night owls and architect buffs, this Spanish culture capital has a style that few cities can rival. The Mediterranean provides the climate, and the street performers and nightlife of La Rambla Street deliver the rest. If bullfighting isn’t your idea of a romantic outing, then catch the latest Flamenco dance. Indulge yourself with Catalonian cooking where seafood isn’t just cuisine, but a way of life. And if your timing is right, witness the spectacle of Spain’s renowned Carnival.

Wild-at-Heart
Acadia National Park, Maine
The only national park in New England, Acadia offers unparalleled coastal beauty, not to mention activities for casual hikers and adrenaline junkies alike. The views are spectacular, the landscape pristine, and the wildlife plentiful. Where else can you eat freshly caught lobster and stay at a bed-and-breakfast with ocean views? The diverse geography of the park includes marshes, meadows, dense evergreen forests, and mountains rising from the sea. Whether you’re into climbing granite peaks or taking in the scenery, Acadia is a nature lover’s paradise.

Queenstown, New Zealand
Welcome to the adrenaline capital of the southern hemisphere. It wasn’t by chance that Queenstown became the birthplace of bungy-jumping. Activities include skydiving, hang gliding, caving, and skiing, to name just a few. In the heart of the Southern Alps along the shore of crystal clear Lake Wakatipu, Queenstown serves up some of New Zealand’s most breathtaking views. If crowds aren’t your thing but you’re still looking for some excitement, try nearby Lake Wanaka as an alternative.

Down to Earth
Niagara Falls, NY
A world class destination with something for everyone, Niagara is a rarity that actually lives up to all the hype. We’ll leave it up to you whether you prefer the American or Canadian side. Either way, you’ll be left with breathtaking views and memories for a lifetime. Be forewarned: there has been reported sightings of heart-shaped Jacuzzis. Though plenty of man-made distractions abound — casinos, arcades, and tacky shops along the boardwalk — the undeniable beauty of the one-hundred-and-sixty-seven-foot falls is a crowd-pleaser.

Québec City, Canada
Unique is the best word to describe this four-hundred-year old hidden gem overlooking the St. Lawrence River. The only walled city in the Americas north of Mexico, Québec City has convinced more than one traveler to skip Montréal all together in favor of its smaller, more intimate neighbor. Québec City’s down-to-earth citizens will be more than proud to show off their town’s Old World charm. Walk hand-in-hand down the narrow cobblestone streets lined with 17th- and 18th-century houses. Wander far enough and you might just come across musicians, street-performers, and actors in period costumes who have a tendency to show up in the most unlikely places.

Sun Lovers
Cumberland Island, GA
Retreat to the very place where JFK, Jr. held his clandestine wedding. Much like the tide washing ashore, time moves at a slower pace on Cumberland. Explore oak-lined trails or sun yourself on sandy beaches where you just might catch sight of one of the island’s wild horses. The only lodging outside of a campsite is the luxurious Greyfield Inn, which is still furnished as it was at the turn of the century (that would be the twentieth century). And if you’re thirsting for civilization, the quaint seaside town of St. Mary’s makes for a great excursion.

The Dalmatian Coast, Croatia
This pearl of the Adriatic is sometimes forgotten amidst its more famous Greek and Italian neighbors. In the port town of Dubrovnik, atmosphere is at a premium with marble streets, red-tiled rooftops, and a Mediterranean climate. The surrounding archipelago of forty-eight islands scattered beyond the city include the renowned Korcula, with its many quiet coves and secluded beaches. The island is also home to some of Croatia’s finest wines and olive oil. Watch yachts glide along the coastline in this seafarer’s paradise.

 - Josie Macalester

Too Many Cooks In the Kitchen

Too many cooks in the kitchen can spoil the soup may be a proverb from days past, but its message still rings true.  Of the many hurdles that an upcoming wedding can present, dealing with your future mother-in-law can often be the most vexing.  Planning for your big day should bring you closer to the in-laws, but so often the pressure and decision-making can sour that newfound relationship like a plate of deviled eggs served long overdue.  

In order to prevent your new life together from starting out on the wrong foot, follow these seven virtues when dealing with the Queen Bee – whether she’s a saint, or a monster-in-law in the making.

1. Courage

When it comes to preparing for your wedding, don’t let the smell of fear be your first impression.  Even if your mother-in-law is footing some (or all) of the bill, you should still have a say on the preparations.  After all, it’s not every day you get to walk down the aisle.  So don’t be a push-over.  Show some spine, girl!

2. Temperance

Whenever the tea kettle is about to blow its top, it’s time to put things into perspective.  Be the better person and exert self-control.  If a certain dance or prayer doesn’t fit into your idea for the perfect wedding, sometimes compromising the smaller things is worthwhile.  If Mom-in-law insists you wear a family heirloom necklace when you already have your accessories picked out, suggest sewing it into your garter, or converting it into a bracelet.  If you show you’re willing to compromise, chances are she will do the same.

3. Prudence

Sometimes you can’t do everything yourself.  When you aren’t having any luck flying solo, then it’s time to call in the cavalry.  After all, it’s your fiancé’s wedding too.  Try to avoid confrontation if possible and let him deal with the situation.  She’ll respond better if she knows that her son is also onboard.  It will also be much easier for her to forgive him than to forgive you.

4. Justice

There may be times when you may want to unleash your inner demon by yelling, screaming, or saying something that you’ll regret.  But there are some things that you can’t take back.  So take a deep breath, and if need be, leave the room to cool off.  Avoid passive-aggressive behavior (even if she’s a pro at it).  Calmly explain how she has offended you.  And remember - not everything is worth fighting for.  Sometimes you just need to bite your tongue and move on.

5. Faith

Have faith in the bond that you and your fiancé share.  Wedding preparations might require flexibility on your part, but don’t change your personality on a whim.  Remember your fiancé fell in love with you because you’re you.

6. Hope

Just like you hoped your knight in shining armor would one day sweep you off your feet, don’t lose hope when dealing with your in-laws.  Keep your chin up despite minor setbacks.  Pessimism is too often a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And last but not least…

7. Love

Before any cliché eighty’s anthems start blaring in your head, let’s be honest.   It was that ten-thousand-kilowatts of Romeo-and-Juliet love that got you this far.  So what makes you think it can’t take you the distance?  Though you might often feel like you’re drowning in the day-to-day details, don’t lose sight of the bigger picture.  If the love you share with your fiancé can stand the test of time, then certainly the love and acceptance of your new family can withstand a single day.

  - Josie Macalester

Southern Belle Takes On Mother Nature!

Outdoor wedding ceremonies in the Lowcountry bring to mind sweeping oak trees draped in Spanish moss, historic gardens, and turquoise waters under fiery Atlantic sunsets. But this idyllic fairytale can quickly come crashing down when you throw heat, humidity and bugs into the mix. But fear not – the fairytale can still come true if you pay a little extra attention beforehand. Follow these tips to avoid feeling the brunt of Mother Nature.

Heat Factor:

-       Upon arrival, have your greeter(s) pass out glasses of ice-cold lemonade. Afraid of broken glasses but still want that touch of elegance? Pick up some disposable “crystal” plastic or acrylic cups from your local party store.

-       When the Lowcountry temperatures soar towards 90, keep your guests cool by passing out (personalized) hand fans.

Humidity:

-       Be sure to keep well-hydrated leading up to the ceremony. The drier your hair is, the more it will frizz-out! Drink plenty of water, condition your hair daily, and consider using a twice-weekly oil treatment. Also talk to your stylist before your big day. Her ideas on products and styles may well keep your hair under control!

-       Keep your face on. More than one blushing bride as risked looking like a half-melted candle due to the one-two punch of heat and humidity. To combat the heat, start off with a facial wash and astringent that help control oil. Make sure to use waterproof mascara and eyeliner (a must even in cold weather, as you will likely shed a few tears of joy on your wedding day!).  Also use a loose finishing powder to serve as a “matte” over your eye shadow and foundation. It’s also a good idea to bring along tissue paper squares to blot your face throughout the day to absorb excess oils without disrupting your make-up. Most important, book an appointment with a make-up artist. They will have plenty of tricks to keep you looking fresh from morning till night!

Bugs, bugs, and more bugs:

-       There’s nothing more distracting than a bug-slapping bride during the “I –dos”.  Avoid bug sprays that leave an odor and residue. Instead, enlist your father or a family friend to fog the periphery the morning of your ceremony. Organic solutions are also available – check with your local hardware store for options.

-       Place citronella and TIKI candles around the ceremony area. Not only will it keep bugs at bay, the romantic ambience may just rekindle Aunt Fern and Uncle Frank’s long-lost passion!

-       To avoid bees, have your florist clip the pollen from your bouquet. You may also want to avoid heavily fragranced flowers, so as not to attract stinging attention. 

- Melissa L Hickman

Off-the-Beaten Track

At a wedding in Charleston, a bride and groom broke out with the dance routine performed by John Travolta and Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. While Chuck Berry's You Never Can Tell doesn't have the typical romantic lyrics expected of a first dance song, it showcased the couple's zest for life (and the guests cheered wildly!).

Not everyone has the talent (or quite frankly the courage!) to pull this off, but you can still make your first dance as husband and wife memorable and unique. Spend some time with your iTunes playlist and select a song that you and your spouse will never tire of through the years (or for those 500 times you'll listen to it before the big day as you tirelessly practice your dance moves in your living room!). Don't be afraid to choose something off-the-beaten--ahem--track, or worry about how every lyric might apply to you. Though you may want to refrain from that heavy metal big hair band to avoid poor granny from running out with bleeding ears!

After their traditional first dance song, another couple chose Manu Chao's Bongo Bong as an opportunity for the wedding party to pull guests onto the dance floor. At first there was a bit of hesitation, but soon the dance floor was filled! A year later the couple was still being asked for copies of the song!

Below is a list of tunes to get your creative juices flowing, as well as some classic favorites.

20 "Uncommon" Tunes:

1. Dance Me To the End of Love - Madeline Peyroux

2. No Other Baby - Paul McCartney

3. Perfect Day - Lou Reed

4. Blue Eyes - Cary Brothers

5. Naive Melody - Talking Heads

6. Heaven - Talking Heads

7. Sea of Love - Cat Power

8. I'm Yours - Jason Mraz

9. All I Want Is You - Barry Louis Polisar

10. Knock Me A Kiss - Louis Jordan

11. I Walk The Line - Johnny Cash

12. Anyone Else But You - The Moldy Peaches

13. Sunrise - Norah Jones

14. You & Me Song - The Wannadies

15. All You Need Is Love - The Beatles

16. To Be Loved - Brian Setzer Orchestra

17. Them There Eyes - Peggy Lee

18. Courtin' Time - Prince

19. I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers

20. Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen

20 Classics:

1. She - Elvis Costello

2. Can't Help Falling In Love - Elvis Presley

3. She's Got A Way - Billy Joel

4. Come Away With Me - Norah Jones

5. A Love So Beautiful - Roy Orbison

6. What A Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong

7.  Your Song - Elton John

8. Over The Rainbow / What A Wonderful World - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

9. True Companion - Marc Cohn

10. Our Love Is Here To Stay - Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong

11. The Way You Look Tonight - Frank Sinatra

12. When You Say Nothing At All - Ronan Keating

13. At Last - Etta James

14. I Swear - John Michael Montegomery

15. From This Moment On - Shania Twain

16. You're Nobody Til Somebody Loves You - Dean Martin

17. Georgia - Ray Charles

18. Unforgettable - Nat King Cole

19. When A Man Loves A Woman - Percy Sledge

20. You Are So Beautiful - Joe Cocker

- Melissa L Hickman

A White Wedding?

Today's weddings have introduced a wide spectrum of colors, ideas and themes. Traditional white and ivory are being replaced with lavender, aqua, and lemon.

Many couples who dread choosing colors often opt for "safer" choices. Here are some tips on how to incorporate splashes of color into your dream wedding without it looking like a "Thomas CLOWN Affair"!

First, determine whether you want a formal, whimsical, classic or themed wedding. Next, jot down your favorite colors and share them with your fiance to get his feedback (after all, it is his day too!). Take the top two or three colors you most agree on and fit them into a palette. 

Make sure two of your colors are understated. Use the softer and deeper colors for wedding attire, using the bright tones in a sash, tie or flowers. The softer colors will provide an elegant backdrop and allow for the brighter color to have more punch.

You don't want your reception linens to blend (or compete!) with your wedding party, however, use the same concept for the linens and decor. If your bridesmaids are wearing pale yellow with magenta accents, your linens could be a darker lemon tone. Carry over the magenta accents into your floral arrangement, candles, wedding favors or menu card.

Don't forget to set the tone by incorporating your color scheme into your save-the-dates, invitations and other wedding stationery! A good stationer will know how to intermix these colors while still keeping an elegant look.

If you're still a bit nervous with colors, consider the color palettes on the left (click on the image to enlarge). If you're still unsure, consult with your wedding coordinator, rental company or florist for assistance.

- Melissa L Hickman