Keeping it Diplomatic

If the wedding has you at wit's end, call on your coordinator to step in and quell the stress

By Nola Sarkisian-Miller

Out-of-touch grooms. Overbearing mother-in-laws. Troublesome bridesmaids.

It’s enough to send a bride-to-be over the edge. Keeping the peace during the wedding-planning process can often take nerves of steel. If eating right and exercising aren’t enough to mitigate those pre-nuptial headaches, brides have another alternative: they can turn to their wedding coordinator for some advice.

The call of duty for wedding coordinators extends beyond floral selections and linen options. Offering diplomacy services is all part of that fee brides pony up. A wedding coordinator can call that meddlesome mother-in-law, can provide ad hoc therapy sessions and like a concierge, deal with last-minute vendor cancellations.

“Take among the most important days of a bride’s life, add some nervousness, stress and emotions and things happen,” says Laurie Davies, owner of Five Star Weddings and Events in Laguna Niguel. “As a wedding coordinator, our job is to make them relaxed … to tell them, ‘Not a problem. Let me take care of it. This is what you pay me for.’”

A common emotional trigger for the couple is when reality sets in that there will be a marriage to cope with following the big wedding party.

“It becomes real to them when the invitations are printed, so the couples have to go through their issues and mourn the end of their single lives,” says Michael Willms, owner of Entertainment Design Events in Beverly Hills, Calif.

While coordinators may not bear a marriage and family therapist license, they usually bring to the table a wealth of contacts and experience. The key to diffusing tension is listening to their clients and giving them an audience, says Willms. The strategy works when he has to place a dreaded phone call to an imperious family member.

“I help them own a part of the solution and that makes them feel good,” he says. “A lot of times people want attention and they just want their voice to be heard.”

Davies approach when working with clients is to get a read on how brides cope with stress. Does she respond to emails instantly with novellas focusing on minute details? Or, does she take days and is more laissez-faire about the event? Davies also digs to find out if there are control freaks in the family.

To cope, she suggests couples pick their battles.

“One client’s mother-in-law didn’t like the invitations and wanted to print her own to send to her friends, something which I had never heard of,” Davies says. “I asked the bride if the invites were important to her and she said, ‘No.’ So, I told her to give this one to [the mother-in-law] and stand her ground on another issue that was more important to her.”